Almost a year ago...
"I'm really sorry but would you mind if we were just friends? I don't have time for a relationship at the moment."
Five months ago...
"Look, Kirst, I'm not going to drag it out, I think we should break up."
A few months after recovering from the text message dumping and the phone call dumping that I received all that time ago I managed to pull myself away from the freezer and the giant bag of M&M's and feel like myself again, they say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger but it would seem in our current times of 21st Century dating each break up leaves you a tiny bit more self-conscious, a little bit more nervous and a whole lot more unsure of how to act with the opposite sex.
Women are often portrayed as needy, constantly wondering where their man is and, quite often, as Nags (no doubt that all of you ladies reading this are shuddering at the thought of being called that horrid word!) but after the two break up's I have been through in the past year I've begun to seriously doubt my own sanity and whether...in fact...it's men that makes us this way.
When you invest your time trying to make yourself the perfect girlfriend, the girl who wants sex as much as he does, who will watch sport and Topgear without complaint and finds cooking for her man just as enjoyable only to be told that the guy you've been dating for two months doesn't have enough time to be with you is it any wonder that us ladies get a little bit more insecure?
Which brings me to Rachel*, after recently being dumped by the man she'd been seeing for five months (him claiming that they just weren't "compatible" - that old classic!) it threw her into a tailspin, a large box of Maltesers and a bottle of Blossom Hill later it all came tumbling out,
"I just don't get it! We had sex practically every day! He introduced me to his parents for fuck's sake!!"
For the first time in a long time I simply looked down into my glass of wine and hoped it would provide me with some wonderous and inspiring answer to give Rach, to tell her that she had done everything right and had been a wonderful girlfriend and that some guy out there would appreciate that one day, it just wasn't him. But the truth was I was starting, for the first time ever, to wonder whether that was true!
In my eyes Rachel was perfect, is perfect, she's tall, brunette, has legs to die for, a beautiful face and a successful career but if men were dumping her for half arsed reasons what hope was there for the rest of us?
A few weeks later Rachel had thrown away the half eaten packets of Doritoes scattered around her flat, swapped the wine for mineral water and was seeing a rather gorgeous Junior Agent (Lucky Rach!). There was only one problem...
"What if he didn't like me? He hasn't called or text yet." Rach asked, the morning after their first date, her beautiful face creased with the worry lines etched across her brow.
"Hun, give him time. He's probably not even awake yet." I soothed.
But it was too late, I'd lost her to the worried and needy world, the gradual spiral of self-doubt caused by the guy who had broken her heart a few months before without warning.
Now, for all of the guys reading this exclaiming that women can be just as bad, I agree, we can be, I firmly believe that if my ex Tom* hadn't been cheated on for months by his girlfriend before me then he wouldn't have been the possessive, insecure and accusing person that he was in our relationship that eventually spelled the end for us. My friend Alice was the only friend of mine that I knew had had to break up with a guy several times in one hour before he finally accepted it and left her house crying. Sorry gift boy. So, I know that us girls can do the same thing to you too boys.
Coaxing Rachel away from her Blackberry and towards Topshop I found myself crossing my fingers that he did text her before lunch, otherwise I feared for both of our sanity's. (Fortunately, he did text her and they're going out again on Saturday night, happy times!)
It's widely believed that the people we meet and date throughout our lives shape who we are as people, it would be strange if they didnt, but seeing my confident, successful friend checking her phone every 30 seconds and worried that she would never be a good enough girlfriend made me realise that not everyone we meet has a positive effect on our lives. So, the next guy or girl you meet that acts slightly needy or nervous take a moment before you dismiss them and think about the person before you that could have made them this nervous, chances are, once you get to know them properly they could be the perfect boy/girlfriend you didn't know you needed.
